2009 SLAMMY AWARD WINNERS

 

Male Hottie of the Year: Wes Ikeda 
Wrestler of the Year: Sting 
Babe of the Year: Talia Madison 
Female Wrestler of the Year: Chyna 
Face of the Year: Sting 
Heel of the Year: Randy Orton 
Newcomer of the Year: Randy Orton 
Stable of the Year: D-Generation X (Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Chyna) 
Tag Team of the Year: D-Generation X (Triple H, Shawn Michaels) 
Match of the Year: Shawn Michaels, Chris Jericho - The End of The Royal Rumble 
Storyline of the Year: Inside the Mind of a Killer (By Cory & Ashlee) 
Entertainer of the Year: D-Generation X (Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Chyna) 
Outstanding OOC Sportsmanship Award: Shev (Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Christy Hemme) 
Lifetime Achievement Award: Chris Jericho

 

The scene opened to a large crowd in front of the Toyota Center in Houston, Texas. The camera surveyed the scene as a huge media blitz and finally settled on Joey Styles and Jerry Lawler.

 

Joey Styles: Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the eighth annual EBWF Slammy Awards Pre-Show. We’re here to bring you all the latest from your favorite EBWF Superstars.

 

The King: That’s right Joey, and we’re happy to report that The New Breed has already arrived here tonight! Terry Funk has gone inside. Sabu is here! No Limits champion Kurt Angle has arrived. This whole night is set to start off with a bang. We go now to the other side of the green carpet where Lillian Garcia is standing by with Cody Rhodes, Michelle McCool and Vickie Guererro, Los Nuevos Guerreros!

 

The scene switched to Lillian Garcia looking great in a tight black tube dress. Cody Rhodes was dressed in a nice suit and the two ladies he was with were dressed wonderfully for the important night as well.

 

Lillian Garcia: Ladies and Gentlemen, Los Nuevos Guerreros here at the Slammy Awards. Michelle, you’re nominated for Babe of the Year and Female Wrestler of the Year. Are you excited?

 

Michelle McCool: It’s only a matter of time before I step up there to get my awards. I wouldn’t say I’m excited, just a little impatient Lillian.

 

Lillian Garcia: Cody, tomorrow night you have a big match with Gregory Helms for the X-Division Title and we were…

 

Vickie Guerrero: Oh no Lillian! I will not allow Cody to reveal how he plans on destroying Helms tomorrow night. We are here to celebrate Michelle’s success and this interview is over.

 

Lillian looked confused for a moment as Los Nuevos Guerreros walked away. Lillian recovered.

 

Lillian Garcia: I’ve been informed that Gregory Helms and Trish Stratus have arrived here to the Slammy Awards. Chris Jericho is here!

Lance Storm is here! But right now, sending it back over to King and Joey who have with them The Icon, Sting!

 

Joey Styles: That’s right Lillian, we’re here with Former EBWF World Champion, The Icon, Sting. Sting, you’re nominated for a ton of awards tonight including wrestler of the year. What would that award mean to you tonight?

 

Sting: You know Lillian, what I’ve been doing here for the last year is trying to prove how successful a good guy can be in this business. I’ve been making the EBWF my number one priority and if the fans recognize that with a Slammy Award tonight I’d really be honored.

 

The King: Sting, you don’t have a match tomorrow at Wrestlemania 8. Any plans?

 

Sting: Don’t ever underestimate the way things could turn out at Wrestlemania 8. I’ll be there and we have some plans.

 

Joey Styles: Thanks for the word with you Stinger.

 

Sting: Thank you Joey.

 

The King: Ladies and gentlemen, Sting! We head back over to the other side of the green carpet where Lillian Garcia is standing by with Brutus Magnus.

 

It was obvious to all around that Brutus Magnus was in no spirit of celebration as he strolled across the red carpet. He carried his usual air of arrogance but more than anything he exuded apathy and disinterest. Thus, Lillian Garcia’s decision to call him for an interview was perhaps not the wisest.

 

Lillian Garcia: Brutus... Brutus, can I get a word from you on tonight’s Slammies?”

 

Brutus Magnus: I beg your pardon?

 

Lillian Garcia: I was wondering if you had any words on tonight’s awards... Any predictions? Or is there anyone you’d like to see win an award.

 

Brutus Magnus: Lillian, let me ask you a question...

 

Lillian Garcia: Erm ok...

 

Brutus Magnus: Has Brutus Magnus been nominated for an award?

 

Lillian Garcia: No...

 

Brutus Magnus: Exactly! Then why the bloody hell should I give a toss about who wins what? It makes bugger all difference to me...interview over!

 

With this Magnus paced away furiously, leaving Lillian Garcia aghast and bemused at the modern day gladiator’s candor. She looked around in surprise and back to the camera.

 

Lillian Garcia: And with that we return to King and Joey who are standing by with EBWF Women’s Champion, Jillian Hall!

 

Joey Styles: We’re standing here with the EBWF Women’s Champion Jill…

 

Jillian Hall: And international recording superstar…

 

Joey Styles: …and international recording superstar Jillian Hall.

 

The King: Jillian tonight you’re nominated for Female Wrestler of the Year, but you’re not nominated for the coveted Babe of the Year trophy…

 

Jillian Hall: I demand a recount! I’ve had 15 #1 Singles…

 

Joey gives Jillian a strange look and she continues.

 

Jillian Hall: I mean… why wouldn’t I be nominated for Babe of the Year? The whole contest is fixed! I don’t have time for this interview though Joey. I have to go rehearse for my performance tonight.

 

The King: But Jillian…

 

Jillian Hall: No buts! Do not interfere with my art!

 

Jillian strutted off and King and Joey took a moment to collect them selves.

 

The King: Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s time to check in with Lillian Garcia.

 

Lillian Garcia: Thank you Jerry! I am in shock to have learned that Big Sexy Kevin Nash, Sean Waltman and Scott Hall are all right over there. The nWo is refusing interviews but here on the green carpet. A camera crew is watching them interact with EBWF fans, let’s check it out.

 

The camera went over to film the nWo chatting and interacting with fans as a huge pop went up and DX arrived on the green carpet. Triple H, Chyna and Shawn Michaels along with his wife Becky were intercepted as Kevin Nash went to greet Hunter and Shawn with a handshake which prompted Scott Hall to turn around and return the gesture. Sean Waltman turned around as well, but was ignored as he stuck his hand out to greet Shawn Michaels. The camera caught it clearly as did the gathered crowd, an action sure to provide much tabloid fodder in the coming days as DX brushed passed the three and continued down the green carpet. Lillian grabbed Shawn by the arm, and he looked her up and down with a flirtatious grin.

 

Shawn Michaels: Easy there Lillian, there’s enough of the Heart Break Kid to go around…

 

Lillian Garcia: DX, a word with the official pre-show of the EBWF Slammy Awards, please?

 

Shawn Michaels: Everybody wants a piece. Hunter, Joanie… this young lady would like to speak with us.

 

Triple H and Chyna turned from the crowd they were signing autographs for and returned to the green carpet in front of Lillian. They stood with Joanie between them. Lillian grinned and proceeded to interview them.

 

Lillian Garcia: Triple H, Shawn Michaels and The 9th Wonder of the World Chyna thanks for stopping by and talking to us are you excited about tonight.

 

Chyna: We are. We have fun doing this every year. Wrestlemania weekend is always so rewarding. I love being around these two and…

 

Shawn Michaels: And we love bein’ around you Darlin’! This weekend is always a good time. I’m happy to be a part of it and…

 

Lillian Garcia: Are you nervous about your World Title Match tomorrow night?

 

Shawn Michaels: No, no… I saw this guy do it last year and I knew I needed to step up my game for Wrestlemania 8.

 

Triple H: I could handle switching off Wrestlemania main events every year.

 

Lillian Garcia: You don’t have a match this year are you disappointed about that.

 

Triple H: Not really. I’m heading up the chairwoman’s security detail tomorrow night, so that’s not a bad job.

 

Lillian Garcia: Speaking of the Chairwoman… the question I have to ask every woman on the green carpet tonight, who are you wearing?

 

Chyna: Oscar De La Renta.

 

Lillian Garcia: DX, thanks for the interview I hear Joey Styles and The King are standing by right now with the man who returns to the cage of death match tomorrow night! Wes Ikeda… over to you guys!

 

Joey Styles: Thank you Lillian! We are here tonight with the owner, and usual chairman of the EBWF, Wes Ikeda and his beautiful date tonight, Christy Hemme.

 

The King: I’m glad Lillian reminded me Christy, who are you wearing?

 

Christy Hemme: Dior.

 

Joey Styles: And the diamond necklace…

 

Christy Hemme: Was a gift…

 

Wes Ikeda: Hey, hey… lay off the lady. We don’t walk too many media infested carpets together.

 

The King: Wes, this is your sixth Wrestlemania with EBWF and you have a high profile match tomorrow night. How are you feeling?

 

Wes Ikeda: You know, I’m excited about the match. I’m excited about Wrestlemania 8. I love the Slammy Awards and we’re just really happy to be here tonight.

 

The King: Any preference for Male Wrestler of the Year tonight?

 

Wes Ikeda: They are all top notch performers. All very deserving. We better head in. King, Joey… thanks so much.

 

Joey Styles: And with that we’re going to wrap it up here on the Slammy Pre-Show, we will head inside where Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin host the 8th annual EBWF Slammy Awards!

 

The King: And we will see you tomorrow night live from Reliant Stadium for Wrestlemania 8!

 

An EBWF Logo appeared on the screen and an announcer’s voice began to introduce the show as a camera panned across the interior of The Toyota Center in Houston, Texas.

 

Annoucer: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the 2009 EBWF Slammy Awards, with appearances by Alex Shelley, Brian Kendrick, Chris Jericho, Chris Sabin, Christian, Christy Hemme, Chyna, Cody Rhodes, Gregory Helms, Jillian Hall, Kevin Nash, Lacey, Lance Storm, Mark Jindrak, Rain, Randy Orton, The Rock, Scott Hall, Shawn Michaels, Sting, Syxx, Talia Madison, Triple H, Trish Stratus, The Undertaker, Vickie Guerrero and Wes Ikeda. Introducing your hosts for tonight’s event…The Motor City Machine Guns, Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley!

 

There was applause from the audience in attendance as Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley stepped through the curtain and into the stage.

The pair stood before the microphones and began to speak.

 

Chris Sabin: Hey! So…that time of year again, and yeah, my first appearance at the Slammy Awards. I’m so excited that they had to ask us to host at the last minute because they couldn’t think of anyone else.

 

Sabin spoke jokingly through gritted teeth as he looked at Alex out of the corner of his eye.

 

Alex Shelley: Speak for yourself, bro. I’ve got like 50 of these trophies back at home in Detroit, there was no way I wasn’t getting screen time tonight.

 

He winked into the camera and ran his fingers through his hair over-dramatically, like a character from Grease. Sabin shook his head with a smile.

 

Chris Sabin: Fame-whore.

 

Laughter. Sabin continued.

 

Chris Sabin: The first award of the night is for the Entertainer of the Year. Now as a duo, Alex and myself have been accused of being pretty damn entertaining, isn’t that right Alex?

 

Alex Shelley: Yes it is, Chris, next year baby, it’s all you and me! Right now however, let us introduce you to two men who go down in the record books as being two of the most entertaining wrestlers in history.

 

Chris Sabin: And “history” is right, Alex, because it feels like these two have been around forever. To present the award for Entertainer of the Year, please welcome The Rock, and The Undertaker!

 

The duo of The Rock and The Undertaker stepped out onto the stage to a warm reaction.

 

The Rock: An entertainer is someone who can hold an audience in the palm of their hand.

 

The Undertaker spoke in a dead pan voice.

 

Undertaker: Someone who can make them laugh.

 

The Rock looked up at him, cocking an eyebrow before looking back at the camera.

 

The Rock: Someone who gives the viewers something new every time they stand in front of a camera.

 

The Undertaker: And someone who is never boring.

 

The Rock: So without further delay, here are your nominees.

 

A video package showing all the nominees began to play. The crowd applauded as the video pronounced D-Generation X as the winners. The camera showed the trio getting to their feet and hugging each other in congratulations before making their way to the stage. Triple H stepped up first.

 

Triple H: Well, there goes the theory that three people who are pushing 40 or…past 40 in your case Shawn…

 

He grinned and continued.

 

Triple H: Can’t get away with juvenile jokes and childish antics on a weekly basis.

 

Hunter held up his award.

 

Triple H: This right here proves you wrong, suckers!

 

Shawn stepped up.

 

Shawn Michaels: I’d better use some good material before we walk away with 5 awards and run out of ideas.

 

He laughed.

 

Shawn Michaels: Aw, relax! I’m kidding. Three awards…four maybe. I don’t know. We are DX after all, it could be a clean sweep. Shawn Michaels for Hottie of the Year, anyone?

 

There was some applause from many female members of the audience and Shawn winked.

 

Chyna: What those boys mean is that we’re very thankful to everyone who voted, thanks to the fans for letting us know that you’re not tired of us yet.

 

Triple H: I’d like to thank my wife, well…because she’s hot, and without all the sex I wouldn’t have the inspiration to get up and go to work.

 

Shawn Michaels: And I’d like to thank my wife, well…also because she’s hot, and because she doesn’t throw me out of the house for associating with this knuckle head.

 

He playfully elbowed Hunter in the ribs.

 

Triple H: No, seriously…thanks again everyone. There are a lot of entertaining people in the EBWF right now, so it means a lot to us to be given this award.

 

Shawn Michaels: Thanks Texas!

 

Triple H: …Suck-up.

 

There was some laughter and applause as DX left the stage. The camera focused on Shelley and Sabin once more.

 

Alex Shelley: Our next award of the evening is the Newcomer of the Year Award.

 

Chris Sabin: To present this award, please welcome three guys that are so old, they’re almost verging on being vintage.

 

Alex Shelley: Oh my god, opening for a Michael Cole impression… VINTAGE!

 

Laughter.

 

Chris Sabin: Please welcome the nWo; Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, and Syxx.

 

The nWo music hit and the trio stepped onto the stage and approached the podium.

 

Scott Hall: Well what d’ya know. The New World Order, back in the EBWF again.

 

Syxx: Even if it is just for One. Night.

 

Kevin Nash: You had to know Wes would need Nash back on his programming eventually. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this business, it’s that whoever he is, the boss always comes crawlin’ back.

 

Scott Hall: And you’ve had forever to learn it Kev, since the two of us have pretty much been around since the dawn of time.

 

Syxx: Which brings us to the award. Newcomer of the year is pretty self-explanatory really. It’s for the new EBWF recruit who gets all the heads turned in his direction.

 

Kevin Nash: Like we did back in the day.

 

Scott Hall: It’s the guy who shows up and makes a splash.

 

Kevin Nash: And not just ‘cause of the beer belly right, tough guy.

 

He patted Scott’s stomach and there was some laughter.

 

Syxx: Nope, because he’s Just…2…sweet. 

 

Randy Orton was announced as the winner. Randy slowly walked up to the podium. He took the award from Kevin Nash and looked it over.

 

Randy Orton: I have to say that I'm not at all surprised by the outcome. Unlike the other competition for the Newcomer of the Year award, I have made waves in this company that few do in their entire career, let alone 4 months. If you disagree with me, feel free to ask the wrestlers who are forced to sit and watch the EBWF on television from their wheelchairs because of me. In my short time here I have cut a swath through the EBWF. I have ended careers and defeated some of the highest profile competitors this company has to offer. Still doubt that I deserve this award more than anyone? I urge you all to watch Wrestlemania very closely, and I guarantee you that your doubts will be put to rest... permanently. I would like to thank Edge, the one person who has been by my side the entire time. I would also like to thank myself, for being one of the most dominant athletes that the EBWF has seen in a very long time. Finally...

 

Randy looked down at the podium.

 

Randy Orton: I would like to thank Wes Ikeda, for making it all happen for me.

 

Randy looked back up and grinned devilishly before walking back towards his chair with his award.

 

 

It is now time to announce the 2009 OOC Sportsman Award. This year’s winner is Shev! The EBWF thanks you for all of your help with storylines, site updates, and keeping us going on a daily basis.

 

 

The show returned and the scene focused on the Guns.

 

Alex Shelley: Next up, the award for Match of the Year.

 

Chris Sabin: Here to present the award are the lovely Trish Stratus and the um…

 

Alex Shelley: Geeky?

 

Chris Sabin: I’ll take it. Trish Stratus and the Geeky Shane Helms! Or…should it be Geeky Gregory Helms! Hey, we’ll use that, it’s even alliterate!

 

Alex Shelley: Did you say you’re illiterate?

'

Chris Sabin: No, I mean they both start with a letter G--

 

He sighed

 

Chris Sabin: Never mind. Trish Stratus and Gregory Helms!

 

Trish and Shane stepped out on the stage arm in arm, smiling out at the crowd, who welcomed them warmly.

 

Gregory Helms: Hello Houston!

 

Applause.

 

Trish Stratus: Tonight we honor and reward those who have given outstanding performances. This next award is for one outstanding performance in particular.

 

Gregory Helms: It’s about rewarding the duo who on that one special night have stood out from all others.

 

Trish Stratus: To award the duo who have risen to the occasion by putting on a performance worthy of being the best of the year.

 

Gregory Helms: Now, we did have a video for this, but I…kinda recorded the newest episode of Smallville over it. Sorry! Your nominees are…

 

Trish Stratus: Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho for the Royal Rumble finals.

 

Gregory Helms: Chris Jericho and Sting for the World Title Trilogy.

 

Trish Stratus: And Triple H and Chyna at the 2008 Survivor Series, with the position of EVP of programming on the line.

 

Gregory Helms: And your winner is…

 

He picked up the envelope and ripped it open. He held it up and showed it to Trish.

 

Trish Stratus: My, my…this should be interesting. Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels for the Royal Rumble finals!

 

There was an enthusiastic round of applause and the camera focused on Shawn Michaels who exchanged a few words with his wife Rebecca before kissing her on the cheek and rising. Chris Jericho was sitting with Lance Storm and he grinned as if he had been expecting this. Lance congratulated him and both Shawn and Chris stepped towards the podium. There was some awkwardness about who would ascend up the steps first, each man insisting that his Wrestlemania opponent go before him. After a few moments Chris grinned arrogantly and stepped in front of Shawn to stand behind the podium. He approached the microphone.

 

Chris Jericho: Wow, I don’t really know what to say... this year’s Royal Rumble match really was something special, and I’d be the first to admit it, but it’s difficult to be overly enthused about winning an award for a match you lost. Finishing second in the Rumble when I was so certain I was going to win it still cuts me pretty deep, but fate has a funny way of righting itself, and one dream of mine that wasn’t crushed this year was my dream of being in the main event of Wrestlemania. So I stand before you as the World Champion, and I look forward to tomorrow night, because I think Shawn and I will be wrestling next year’s Match of the Year, and I guarantee this time, I won’t be second best.

 

Jericho stepped aside with the Slammy award and Shawn blinked a couple of times and rubbed his eyes before stepping to the microphone himself.

 

Shawn Michaels: Well, um...sorry about this. You know I’m getting older...can’t stay awake as long as I used to. Ya know...short attention span... Chris is boring.

 

There was some laughter as Shawn continued.

 

Shawn Michaels: But you know... Chris is right about a thing or two. Our one on one at the Royal Rumble was pretty epic. And fate does have a way of righting itself. Last year I stood at the sidelines while my best friend went home with the gold.

 

He made eye contact with Hunter for a brief moment.

 

Shawn Michaels: Proud of ya buddy... but this year it’s my turn. Wrestlemania is all about new champions, not retaining ones. And since I am Mr Wrestlemania, the odds are not in your favor Jericho. One thing you can be glad of though... this match will go down in history, and maybe we’ll be back here next year to win another Slammy. For a match you lost. Again.

 

Shawn grinned at Chris and both made a motion to take the award. Chris grinned back, but his smile looked forced, and he gripped the award tightly. Shawn tried to grab the Slammy, and the two men struggled over the award until Alex Shelley came over, looking concerned, and whispered “there’s an award for both of you, the other one’s still on the podium.” Shawn and Chris laughed, both looking a little embarrassed, and Shawn grabbed the other award as Chris Jericho walked away with his award and went back to his seat.

Alex laughed slightly watching Shawn step down from the stage as well.

 

Alex Shelley: This next award is my favorite. Do you know why, Chris?

 

Sabin draped his arm over Shelley’s shoulder and pretended to be confused.

 

Chris Sabin: No idea, Alex…why is that?

 

Alex Shelley: Because the video package is filled with beautiful women.

 

Chris Sabin: And I should be able to make some kind of joke in response to a sentence involving beautiful women and Alex’s package, but it’s escaping me right now.

 

There was some laughter as Shelley shrugged.

 

Alex Shelley: Hey, it’s cool, just don’t get too comfortable thinking of my package…those pants are a little tight.

Smirk.

 

Chris Sabin: Hilarious. Here to present the award for babe of the year, please welcome THE Brian Kendrick.

 

Brian Kendrick got a nice round of applause as he dramatically stepped out onto the stage, showboating to the crowd a little bit. He stepped over to the podium.

 

Brian Kendrick: Babe of the year…wow. It’s all right there in the title isn’t it? Babe. The chick that makes your stomach churn. Your palms sweat. Your pants tighten. The chick who you alwaysput on the list of women you can cheat with if you ever get the chance. And I gotta tell ya, most of the EBWF divas are on mine. You gotta play it local, boys.

 

He winked and there was some laughter from the male members of the audience.

 

Brian Kendrick: Here are the nominees.

 

The video announced Talia Madison as the winner. Talia was already making her way up to the podium, and when her name was announced, she was already up on stage and quickly grabbed the trophy from Kendrick and turned to address the crowd.

 

Talia Madison: Well I could say that this was a surprise that I won, but that would be a huge lie. I mean who else exactly were going to expect to win, some geriatric hag or the most beautiful women in professional wrestling? I’m just saying.

 

She smiled briefly.

 

Talia Madison: Well the only people I have to really thank are myself, for being so freaky sexy, and our brilliant and sexy chairman Wes Ikeda, for actually allowing the only woman on the roster that deserves this award instead of rigging it for his little fake red-headed troll he is with.

 

She started to walk off the stage and turned back to the podium with a wicked smile.

 

Talia Madison: Oh and Wes if you like to come by and privately congratulate me on my glorious but quite obvious victory, I will be in my hotel room tonight.

 

She walked off the stage back toward her seat, somewhat nonchalantly dropping a hotel key with Wes when she walked by his table. The camera focused on Wes who shrugged and handed the key to Christy, who was sitting at his side. She laughed slightly and put it in her purse with a wink. Wes laughed too and the camera went back to Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin.

 

Alex Shelley: Wes! I mean…Christy! Save that for me would ya?

 

He winked as she laughed and mouthed “Alright, Alex..if you insist”.

 

Alex Shelley: You’re a doll. So um…

 

He looked at Sabin.

 

Alex Shelley: Where were we?

 

Chris Sabin: About to introduce the Stable of the Year award.

 

Alex Shelley: Of course. Here to present the award for EBWF Stable of the Year 2009 is, go figure, someone who wasn’t nominated! Los Nuevos Guerreros – Cody Rhodes, Michelle McCool, and Vickie Guerrero.

 

There was some unenthusiastic clapping as Los Nuevos Guerreros stepped out onto the stage. The trio didn’t look too concerned. Cody and Michelle were arm in arm as they stepped to the podium.

 

Vickie Guerrero: Excuse me!

 

Michelle McCool: Excuse us. I’d say it’s a travesty that we weren’t nominated for this, but it all comes down to jealousy.

 

Cody Rhodes: And who wouldn’t be jealous of the three of us.

 

The camera showed Lacey and Rain at their table snickering.

 

Vickie Guerrero: Let’s get this over with shall we? You two aren’t being paid for this.

 

Michelle McCool: Here are the nominees for 2009 Stable of the Year.

 

The audience applauded as DX were announced the Stable of the Year. As the three got to their feet they looked pleased, but not too surprised. They made their way onto the stage, Hunter placing his hand on Chyna's back as they approached the podium. She smiled, and stood in the middle, placing one arm around each of them.

 

Shawn Michaels: Can I go first? I'm gonna be the world champion tomorrow, so I think I should go first. First of all, I just wanna say...two years in a row, losers! Don't worry though...Dream Team, Lacey, Rain, whoever else is in Age of the The Fall...at least you lost to the best.

 

He winked.

 

Triple H: You really get an ego boost around Wrestlemania time don't you?

 

Shawn shrugged.

 

Shawn Michaels: It's all the attention. It's bad for me.

 

Chyna: You know boys... considering that one stable just fell out of wrestling school and the other stable just came back and no one gave a damn. I can't say I'm surprised we're taking this one home tonight. As for all the attention you get Shawn... you uh, wanna get together later?

 

Shawn Michaels: Absolutely, babe. You can join Becky and me for Bible Study. You can come too Hunter.

 

Triple H: I'd rather study ghonorrea. While having it.

 

Chyna: To be serious for a minute. We'd like to thank my production crew, the person whose job it is to press the censor button. Wes Ikeda for believing that 11 years later this is still a good idea. The fourth and silent member of DX who keeps the day to day operations running smoothly. Becky this is just as much yours as it ours. And finally thanks to that loser stable over there for showing up and wrecking the party and getting us more publicity for it. How’s Hollywood working out for you Kev? Waltman? Mexico? Scott... AA?? Hmm... how's that doing for ya?

 

She looked at her boys grinning and they nodded at her. They were going to prove their stable of the year point here and now.

 

Chyna: There's a difference between noteworthy and legendary and we are better than all of you. I mean we can say anything and get a massive pop....

 

She said it with such a hint of comedy that the room was laughing.

 

Chyna: And if you're not down with that well, we've got two words for ya!

 

DX: Too Sweet!

 

The crowd popped as expected and Joanie somewhat sarcastically waved at Kevin Nash before she and DX exited the stage.

 

 

The Storyline of the Year goes to Cory & Ashlee for the Inside the Mind of a Killer storyline. And special thanks to Cory for letting me weasel my way into the storyline! 8 time Storyline of the Year Award Recipient FTW!

 

 

Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin went back into focus.

 

Chris Sabin: The next award isn’t really of much interest to me, but let’s face it, we need something for the ladies.

 

Alex Shelley: And the queers.

 

Chris Sabin: Way to be insensitive, Alex. He means the gays.

 

Alex Shelley: Yeah, that. But back to the point.

 

Chris Sabin: You know Alex, there's something to be said for two fellas from Detroit who have to come all the way here to save Wes Ikeda's ass...

 

Alex Shelley: What? They get paid really well?

 

There was a spattering of laughter as Alex grinned at Sabin.

 

Alex Shelley: Either way, I didn’t mention it before, but it's great to be back home in the EBWF. Especially with my partner in crime Chris Sabin.

 

There was applause as Chris continued.

 

Chris Sabin: We're something of a pair, and speaking of pairs, here's one that goes together like peanut butter and jelly, like Rock 'n Roll, kinda like Sid and Nancy... ladies and gents, they're sorta notorious, but please welcome The Game Triple H and The 9th Wonder of the World Chyna.

 

There was a loud round of applause as the two members of DX appeared on stage for the first time that night. The pair stepped out side by side. Hunter had his hand placed gently on the small of her back as the pair stepped up to the podium to introduce the award.

 

Joanie Helmsley: Hello Texas.

 

The greeting drew a cheap pop and Joanie turned to grin up at Hunter.

 

Joanie Helmsley: Hellllo Hunter.

 

Hunter grinned back at her with the trademark charming smile of his.

 

Triple H: Hi Joan. How are you? I haven't seen you since we ran into each other behind that curtain over there.

 

Joanie Helmsley: Well, you know actually, I'm just a tad distressed.

 

Triple H: Why is that?

 

Joanie Helmsley: Well, I know you might find this hard to believe, but I'm married to the hottest guy in this room and well... he's not even nominated. I mean you've seen him! Isn't that hard to believe?!

 

Triple H: Very hard to believe. What's not hard to believe though is the fact that you're nominated for Babe of the Year.

 

He looked her up and down with a slight smirk.

 

Triple H: Your husband must wanna fuck you ALL the time.

 

The offending word was censored as the camera cut away to Shawn who put his left hand on his forehead and tried not to laugh. The shot was back to Hunter and Joanie. Joanie was leaning on the podium, resting her face on her hand and looking out toward the crowd exasperated.

 

Joanie Helmsley: You just no sell teleprompters don't ya?

 

Triple H: There's a teleprompter?

 

He looked forwards and mouthed "oh".

 

Triple H: Not used to those.

 

Joanie Helmsley: I don't even think I can continue with the original punch line. You have effectively stolen my spot light. But to answer your charge...

 

Triple H: ...Yeah?

 

Joanie Helmsley: He's getting up there in years. Still hung like a horse, but not the young stud he used to be.

 

Her nonchalance drew laughter from the crowd.

 

Triple H: Oh yeah? You um...looking for something on the side?

 

He winked at her.

 

Joanie Helmsley: Yeah, but Shawn's committed.

 

Triple H: And even older than your husband.

 

Joanie Helmsley: Well, those dance moves can't be lost in the bedroom you know.

 

There was loud laughter.

 

Triple H: Heh...and I suppose he is married to a stripper.

 

Joanie Helmsley: Ouch! That was low! Even for you. Oh... and by the way...

 

Triple H: You really need to stop trailing off like that. Finish your thoughts, woman.

 

She grinned.

 

Joanie Helmsley: I lied.

 

Triple H: You're a girl, sweetie. Of course you did.

 

He stroked her hair.

 

Joanie Helmsley: And to think I was just going to tell you that you're still a stud. Introduce the damn nominees...

 

Triple H: The nominees for hottie of the year are Wes Ikeda, Shawn Michaels, and...

 

He shrugged.

 

Triple H: Is there another one?

 

Joanie Helmsley: Don't mind him, just play the video...

 

The crowd erupted in laughter as Joanie playfully slapped Hunter in the shoulder and the video began to play. Wes was announced as the winner. 

 

Wes gave Christy a light peck on the cheek and got up to accept his award. He took it from Hunter and Joanie and Triple H obviously ribbed him for a moment before allowing him to continue. He stepped to the microphone.

 

Wes Ikeda: Well, well my sixth straight Hottie of the Year trophy and unlike you Talia I am surprised, because I cannot imagine on what planet I am hotter than Shawn Michaels. Chris, man Chris… you’re just in a league of your own. I always never know what to say when I get this award. I don’t want to seem ungrateful. I wish I could do more than just be a piece of eye candy. Which might be why I’m going to step back into the ring tomorrow night. Randy Orton… consider this your invitation to rearrange this very sexy face. Thank you.

 

Wes grinned and held up his award, leaving the stage.

 

Alex Shelley: Alright, now that Wes is done showboating, here to present next award is a very talented wrestler…

 

Chris Sabin: And apparently also, a gracious loser, because let’s face it, it’s not nice when the ladies don’t think you’re hot enough to beat a bald guy and a 40-something year old man for a hottie of the year trophy.

 

Alex Shelley: Please welcome, to present the award for Face of the Year 2009, your world champion, Y2J Chris Jericho!

There was clapping and cheering as Don’t You Wish You Were Me by Fozzy played and The EBWF World Champion stepped onto the stage.

 

Chris Jericho: Babyface of the year…you might as well call this award Suck-Up of the year, Junior! This award goes to the person who all of you think is the very best at the cheap catch phrases, the “doing the right” thing BS…in other words, pretty much just a popularity contest. But I disgress. Here are your nominees for EBWF Homecoming Queen 2009.

 

There was some laughter as Chris Jericho’s joke and his cynical attitude as the video package played. Sting was announced the winner. 

 

Sting took the podium, and looked directly at Shawn Michaels as he began to speak.

 

Sting: Just a few short weeks ago, I was told by a very wise man that the white meat babyface is dead. That nobody wants to see a "good guy" who doesn't turn to the hip, edgy antics of groups like DX or the NWO. But every time I've walked through that curtain, and the little Stingers have called my name, that wise man has been proven wrong. You know, ever since the beginning of my run this year, going way back to last year's King of the Ring, my biggest thrust was that I wanted to do everything the right way this time. That I wanted to treat the EBWF with all the honor, respect, and dignity that it deserves. And while I can't say that everybody on the roster feels the same way, I'm definitely not the only one. So it's very much an honor to accept this award, and I look forward to continuing to be something the little Stingers can be proud of. Thank you!

 

Sabin and Shelley clapped and congratulated Sting before he left the stage. Once the applause died down, they spoke again.

Chris Sabin: And now, for the complete opposite.

Alex Shelley: Yes, now…for the bad guy! Here to present the award for Heel of the Year…

Chris Sabin: HBK, Shawn Michaels!

 

The crowd applauded as Shawn Michaels stepped up to the stage, holding the Slammy award for Heel of the Year. He waited for the applause to die down before beginning to speak.

 

Shawn Michaels: The award for Heel of the year has gone to a huge variety of wrestlers...from Lance Storm, to Christian...twice... and Raven. And like I said, they’re a diverse group of athletes, who all have one thing in common. They’re the guy you love to hate. Whether they’re smug, cocky, or just plain evil, all these guys made their mark on the EBWF by being the guy you can’t stand. And trust me, I used to know a whooole lot about that.

 

There was some laughter.

 

Shawn Michaels: This year’s heel of the year nominees are the guys who can make you scream, the guys who can make you throw your $8 beer into the ring just ‘cause there’s a slight chance it’ll hit ‘em, the guys who can make you go home wishing you had the chance to punch them in the mouth... in other words, they’re infuriatingly charismatic and talented, but we hate ‘em anyway. Hey, this is sounding familiar!

 

There was some laughter again as Shawn grinned.

 

Shawn Michaels: Now you had 5 finalists here, so please be patient during the video…

 

He chuckled.

 

Shawn Michaels: Wow you fans really couldn’t make your mind up this year could ya? Anyway, here are tonight’s nominees for Heel of the Year.

 

 

 

 

 

Shawn took a step back from the podium as the video began to play. Randy Orton was announced as the winner. 

 

Randy walked towards the podium and grasped the Heel of the Year award without even making eye contact with Shawn.

 

Randy Orton: You know, "heel" is such a harsh term for such a prestigious award. Yes, I am very grateful for this particular trophy. Would you like to know why? Because this award is bestowed upon those who do not allow themselves to be burdened by public opinion. It is bestowed upon those who don't care whether the people in the plastic seats cheer or boo them. People like me. Like me or not, the fans of the EBWF pay money to see me, and they will continue to do so because they don't pay to see someone who's going to smile and dance. They're paying to see a glimpse of perfection, prowess, and power. Simply put, I am all three, and there is yet to be a wrestler that can prove me otherwise. You people have had a very foul opinion of my agenda since my entrance into the EBWF, and allow me to be the first to thank all of you, because without you, this award would not be possible.

 

Randy smiled and walked away from the podium with his award in hand. Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin appeared in the shot again

 

Alex Shelley: And next is an award that will certainly be going home with us next year.

 

Chris Sabin: Yeah, unless that glass ceiling gets in the way again.

 

Alex Shelley: I hear you can break through it with a sledgehammer or something. We can borrow one.

 

The camera showed Triple H laughing as the Guns continued.

 

Chris Sabin: Here to present the Tag Team Of the Year Award for 2009, The Dream Team, Christian and Mark Jindrak.

 

Christian and Jindrak stepped out onto the stage smug as ever. Christian walked ahead of Mark, taking up the spotlight as he stood in front of the podium.

 

Christian: Quiet Mark, I got this.

 

He cleared his throat.

 

Christian: Tag team of the year goes to a duo who have worked well enough together to be consistently successful in the EBWF. I might be on this list if it weren’t for some of the people holding me down…

 

He looked briefly at Jindrak.

 

Christian: Anyway, the tag team of the year award is all about team work. And since I don’t play well with others, let’s just play the video of the nominees. DX was announced as Tag Team of the Year. 

 

The DX theme music played once Hunter and Shawn were announced as tag team of the year. The two men stood up and after a grin at each other they took their awards. Shawn cleared his throat.

 

Shawn Michaels: Well, nice to know that we can still beat a couple of girls, which is more than can be said for Lance and Jericho...

 

Triple H: And the girls sure love to beat us too.

 

Shawn Michaels: And you know the way I look at it. There are no losers tonight. To further illustrate this point I would like to invite Lacey and Rain to our room this evening for a little impromptu wrestling match...

 

Triple H: Yes, there will be jello, and a paddling pool, and Joanie in a bikini.

 

Shawn Michaels: See! We're all winners here!

 

Triple H: Especially us. Because we get trophies.

 

Shawn Michaels: Should we thank some people?

 

Triple H: I would like to thank Shawn, for being ever so patient with me. He's the best boyfriend in the world.

 

Shawn Michaels: And I'd like to thank Hunter for continuing his fanatical delusions and making all of this possible.

 

Triple H: And Joanie, for being my favorite groupie.

 

Shawn Michaels: And Becky for being my favorite stripper.

 

He winked in her direction and the two of them took their trophies, and left the stage.

 

 

This years Hall of Fame inductee is somebody who always makes the best out of the EBWF. He has fun, plays fair and has enjoyed a

good efedding career here. Congratulations to 2009 inductee Jay Fraser!

 

 

The camera went back to the Motor City Machine Guns.

 

Chris Sabin: It’s that time of the night again, Alex.

 

Alex Shelley: Yep, we’re on the home stretch, and once again we get to awe at the excellence of some very fine ladies.

 

Chris Sabin: And here to present the award for Female Wrestler of the Year, please welcome Randy Orton.

 

There was some polite clapping as Randy Orton stepped up to the podium to announce the female wrestler of the year. He wore an intense stare as he gazed out at the crowd, and spoke slow and methodically, looking and sounding entirely uninterested.

 

Randy Orton: The Female Wrestler of the Year is the woman who has made the biggest impression on the women’s division this year.

The woman who has defeated any competition thrown her way...

 

He scoffed.

 

Randy Orton: ...If there’s even been any... And the woman who captured people’s attention based not only on her good looks, but on her talent too.

 

Randy scowled slightly, as if wishing he could be somewhere else.

 

Randy Orton: Here are the nominees…

 

Chyna was introduced as the winner. Joanie shook her head, genuinely surprised. She grinned at Triple H. Considering the presenter Hunter seemed to be apprehensive about allowing Joanie to continue on alone. She assured him it was okay and she walked up to the podium and took her award from Randy Orton. She seemed to mumble something to him and he shook his head and grinned at her, she took the opportunity to hug him and then turned back toward the podium.

 

Chyna: I am so, so blessed. Every night I go out there and do what I love with people I absolutely adore. Lacey, Jillian you are class acts.

 

Joanie paused. Having left Michelle McCool out on purpose.

 

Chyna: Christy, Trish, Rain, Katie… I am so honored to share a locker room with you ladies and I am so proud to take this award home this year. I take my job very seriously and the fact that I would be voted as Female Wrestler of the Year means so much to me and it’s going to be a barometer for some decisions I’m going to have to make down the road. Thank you Shawn for not letting me quit when I wanted to quit. Thank you Wes for dealing with me and my half hatched schemes every day of every week. And to my best friend, the love of my life, my husband for making this worth getting up every morning and doing. Thank you!

 

Chyna held up her award for a moment and turned to leave the stage with it as the scene returned to the Slammy hosts.

 

Alex Shelley: And now, for our penultimate award.

 

Chris Sabin: You actually know what that means bro? I’m impressed.

 

Alex nodded.

 

Alex Shelley: Thank you.

 

Chris Sabin: This award is for the Male Wrestler of the Year. And here to present it, I think you all know who he is…

 

Alex Shelley: He is the Chairman of the board, but more importantly, the Rebel Without A Cause, please welcome Wes Ikeda!

 

Wes Ikeda: Thank You. Nine years ago my brother had a vision to create the best wrestling company in existence. Six years ago he asked me to come on board the family business and help build his empire. Tomorrow we celebrate Wrestlemania 8. We have crowned 7 Wrestlers of the Year including Shawn Michaels, Alex Shelley and Raven. Tonight we crown another

 

Sting was announced as the Wrestler of the Year. Sting looked genuinely grateful and proceeded to the podium. He shook hands with Wes who handed over his trophy.

 

Sting: One week. Just 7 short days. This past year, and the early part of 2009, I came just one week short of becoming the longest reigning EBWF World Champion in history. And while I'm not one to be self-important, I do think that was an impressive feat. However... let us not forget the efforts of the rest of the roster. Brian Kendrick made a big splash this year. Chris Jericho is always a top competitor, always ready to jump into the mix and do something big. Lacey and Rain have made big strides in the area of women's wrestling. And these people weren't even nominated! My fellow nominees... Triple H and Shawn Michaels, perennial all-stars. Randy Orton, who's come into the EBWF and in such a short time, become such a major player here. And for you people to vote ME as the best out of all of these competitors, that's really saying something. You know, I've been more proud of the EBWF this year than I have any other year I've been here. There's been no Shannon Moore, no Alex Shelley to carry the company on his back and be the go-to guy. Every person in this locker room, male and female, has really stepped up their game, everyone's taken on more responsibility and everyone's taken their role very seriously, from the top of the card to the curtain jerkers. This entire locker room is the Wrestler of the Year, so again, that speaks volumes about what you all think of me, to vote me the best of the year. I am honored, I am floored, and if it's okay with everybody, I want to share this award with the whole locker room, because we're ALL Wrestlers of the Year. Thank you! Thank you all so very much, and let's get out there and have the best Wrestlemania of all time!

 

There was a loud round of applause as Sting left the podium and went back to his seat with his well-earned Slammy Award in hand. The camera focused on Shelley and Sabin again.

 

Chris Sabin: It’s getting a little emotional in here folks.

 

Alex Shelley: That’s right. Our pay-day has almost come to an end. There’s only one award left to give.

 

Chris Sabin: The lifetime achievement award goes to a person who has made history here in the EBWF. A person who has risen above all others to show without a shadow of a doubt that they’re a star shining bright.

 

Alex Shelley: A person who has inspired and impressed both fans and colleagues alike. Are you intrigued yet?

 

Chris Sabin: I am.

 

Alex Shelley: Then let’s roll the video.

 

A tribute video for Chris Jericho played. 

 

Alex Shelley: And to present the award to Chris Jericho…

 

Chris Sabin: Lance Storm everyone!

 

Lance stepped onto the stage and made eye contact with Jericho, giving him a grin and a nod before stepping to the podium.

 

Lance Storm: Right, yes, whatever. I’d like to accept this on behalf of Chris Jericho. Wait, wha- Entertainer of the Year?! What the fuck! What am I, a serious actor?! If there’s one thing I hate, it’s being overlooked. And I’ve been overlooked so many times in this damn federation that I feel like a, erm, a small wall facing a beautiful beach! I’ll have you know, I am NOT fucking useless. I am the most entertaining thing here since like, a Vampiro sacrifice. In fact, I’m going to show you!

 

Lance went to step to the side of the podium, pondered, then steps back behind it.

 

Lance Storm: Oh, and congratulations Chris. You asshole. If I were dead, you’d be the one truly deserving of this damn award. If I were God, you’d be my Jesus. If I were Wayne, you’d be my Garth. If I were, erm, oh fuck it. I love you man! Ahem, anyway...

 

Lance stepped to the side again, and shouted “HIT IT”.

 

“Boom boom clap, boom de clap de clap”

 

Miley Cyrus’s new song, Hoedown Throwdown, was blazing over the speakers.

 

“1-2-3. I’m going to tell you about a beat that’s gonna make you move your feet

 

Lance had started to dance. He had clearly rehearsed the Hannah Montana routine every time it came on the TV.

 

“Pop it, lock it, polka dot it.”

 

Lance popped it and locked it successfully, but when it came to polka dotting it, Lance managed to trip over an exposed wire on the stage, sending him flying into one of the tables towards the front of the room. The table belonged to Sting, and Lance was alerted to this after standing up to a very angry looking Mr Bordon. Lance looked left and right, not wanting to exacerbate the situation any further. Suddenly, Lance darted through all the tables in an attempt to get out of there as quick as possible, already embarrassed from his failed dance routine. A chorus of “Na-na-na-na, Hey-hey-hey, Goodbye” filled the room as Lance finally managed to escape the hall. Alex

Shelley and Chris Sabin were standing there looking confused.

 

Chris Sabin: What… the hell… was that?

 

Alex Shelley: Billy Ray Cyrus’ long-lost twin brother? Who else pays that much attention to Hannah Montana?

 

Chris Sabin: This guy has a kid! Maybe he knows. Please welcome back to the program… Wes Ikeda.

 

Wes walked back to the stage with a grin. He stood behind the podium and spoke into the microphone.

 

Wes Ikeda: When I think about stand up men in this business. When I think about family men, who do the right thing, no matter the sacrifice, I think about this man. When I think about a locker room leader, a loyalist, a true wrestler, my mind goes to this guy. He has been here since day one. He is one of the best in this business, and I am so honored to call him a friend. Ladies and Gentlemen the 2009 Lifetime Achievement Award goes to Chris Jericho!

 

As Chris Jericho made his way up to the podium, it was clear to those who were paying attention that he was touched to be receiving the Lifetime Achievement Award. There was no arrogant smirk, no cocky grin; there was a slight smile, and a great number of emotions were hidden behind it. After Chris had taken his place behind the podium, the applause began to die down and he began to speak.

 

Chris Jericho: I don’t mean to sound like an actress at the Oscars, but thank you so much! Winning this award really means a lot to me, it’s pretty awesome to be held in the same regard as Tony Ikeda, Jeff Hardy and Chyna. I’ve been wrestling for over eighteen years now, and I’ve literally done the thing I love most all over the world. And from the bottom of my heart, I’ve never had more fun anywhere than the fun I have here in the EBWF. So I’d like to start by thanking Tony Ikeda and Ashlee Ikeda-Levy, both of whom I wish could be here tonight to celebrate with me. I’d also like to thank Wes Ikeda, because we all know this company would be nothing without you. I should also pay tribute to the Harts and the McMahons, because both those families helped get me here. I’d also like to thank Lance Storm, who, for all his faults, has been with me ever since the beginning, and Mick Foley, who got me my first big break, in ECW. I’d also like to extend my gratitude to three of my biggest EBWF rivals - Jeff Hardy, Christian and Shawn Michaels; you’ve tested me more in the last eight years than anyone else has anywhere in the world. Finally, I’d like to thank my wife Jessica, who couldn’t be here tonight, and everyone else who’s been involved in my career in any way, shape or form – every single one of you as contributed to who I am, and so this award’s yours as much as it is mine. Just don’t ask to borrow it, if you do it’ll cause me to be rude!

As he uttered the final sentence of his speech, Chris Jericho let his usual egotistical manner wash over him again. He grinned to the audience and hugged Wes Ikeda as Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin came over to pat him on the back. The camera focused on Wes who was soaking up the moment.

 

Wes Ikeda: From the production crew, the superstars and myself thanks for a fantastic year. We’ll see you tomorrow night, live from Reliant Stadium here in Houston, Texas! Blaine, Cameron… go to bed. Goodnight everybody!

 

The camera panned the mingling audience as the 8th annual Slammy Awards went off the air.

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